We all want to feel Confident, right?
Whether it's being comfortable in our own skin or feeling sure of ourselves-, however we may perceive Confidence, it's desirable.
When I ask my Coaching clients what they feel the benefit would be of having more Confidence, I often hear ''I'd be happier, I'd worry less, I'd go for the things I want in life''.
What do you believe more Confidence would do for you?
Now, I've coached my clients on Confidence long enough, to spot certain patterns. Certain behaviours and ways of thinking that differ between the Highly Confident and the Low Confident.
What I'm sharing with you now, is a common trait of people with Low Confidence.
And PLEASE, if you want to live with more of it, stop this one thing immediately...
I must make it clear, what I'm not saying is to stop apologizing full stop.
There are absolutely occasions when we must hold our hands up high and apologize for our wrongdoings.
In fact, apologizing when necessary can work wonders for our Confidence as it expresses total Ownership. We humans are a funny lot, we're good at taking credit when everything is good but when at fault, we can be shy to admit our errors.
But when we've made errors, this is a golden opportunity to step up to the plate and say ''Hey, this is my mess, I'm sorry, I can fix this''.
My suggestion is really about stopping unnecessary apologizing.
Jane gets invited out for dinner by her friends but already has a commitment.
''I'm really sorry, I can't make that date', Jane says.
Jane says I'm sorry because she has let people down.
Jane has a problem with her phone so returns it to the shop. Speaking to the Cashier she says 'I'm so sorry to bother you, my phone doesn't seem to be working, silly old me, I've probably pressed the wrong button, typical me'!
Jane says I'm sorry because she feels she is bothering the shop staff.
On their own, these situations may seem insignificant but over time, constant apologizing chips away at Jane's Confidence.
Why is this?
Well, the words we use affect how we feel.
Repeat out loud the words 'I'm strong and worthy' 10 times and then say out loud 'I'm weak and unworthy' and see for yourself the difference it makes to your energy and emotions.
The words 'I am sorry' feel heavy as the associated emotions are Shame, Guilt, Embarrassment.
Going back to Jane's examples, she needn't really say sorry to her friends because she's already busy. It's just unfortunate timing!
Jane could quite easily respond with 'Nope I'm busy that day when else could work for you'?
In the shop, she could communicate her phone issues without the apologizing. The facts are, her product isn't working, it's not her fault, and it's only right it's fixed. She is entitled under the warranty.
The problem is, constant apologizing stems from a feeling of not being entitled. Not being worthy.
In truth, we're all Worthy.
''Worthy now. Not if. Not when. We are worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is''.
- Brene Brown.
Recognizing our Self-worth is one step we can take to stopping habitual unnecessary apologizing.
Recognize you're birthright for happiness and love.
Recognize your decision to say No without guilt, as and when you choose.
Recognize your right to be treated fairly.
Another step is to become aware of when you're apologizing and asking, is it needed?
Also, this is a great tip. instead of saying 'I am sorry', say 'Thank you'.
You'll be surprised how often you'll be able to make this switch.
Meeting your friend for dinner and running a few minutes late?
Don't say ''I'm so sorry'' (it really isn't a big deal after all), instead, say ''Thank you for your patience, I'm happy to be with you''.
Notice how different this switch feels. No shame, guilt or embarrassment, only gratitude.
As always, thank you for reading and let me know your thoughts by leaving a comment,
From 1st-4th November I'm running the...
Break Free from Low Confidence 4-day Challenge
Where you will discover the 4 Confidence Myths that keep you Stuck (and the Truth that will set you Free)! To learn more and sign up click below!
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